Unspoken Message

Pretend with me for a bit of time today. Pretend you see an old and weathered farmer, leaning up against the side of the barn with one leg cocked up, a hat pulled low over his eyes, a two-day growth of beard stubble on his chin, and a toothpick sticking out of the corner of his mouth. You can tell by looking at him that he has some wisdom inside, born from time, but you know from past experience that he keeps such wisdom close to his chest. He preferred to teach by example most of the time. Oh, one time he did give some great advice and I remember it vividly. I am not sure if the wisdom was his or he was just passing on a life’s lesson to the young pup standing beside him.

See, some of the best advice I ever got from my father was gifted to me from just such a scenario. He said, “listen more and speak less.” That was the message, delivered stoically and at such a volume that you had to strain to hear it. I think he did that on purpose because when you speak low, people tend to listen closer. The lesson stuck with me for a lifetime and I became an observer of life.

Today, that changes. I am leaning against the barn wall and about to give you the wisdom of a long life lived well, from one who watches but rarely speaks. Let me move my toothpick to the other side of my mouth and get started.

 I have listened to people complain about being quarantined for several days now, and folks, I am here to tell you, I wish the hell someone had told me I had to stay home and not socialize with anyone outside of my family.  When I was younger and my son was but a wee one, I would have given anything to have spent more time with him and less time working. At the time, it wasn’t odd for me to put in 10-12 hours a day, which left little time for being a father after you factored a little sleep into the equation.

Don’t get me wrong, my son grew up on a farm and he learned to work, had responsibilities, learned to think on his feet and learned that the animals were taken care of first. That is a very brief description of his responsibilities but you get the idea.

As I look around this country, I’m not sure everyone got the same type of start in life. So, let’s use this time in the house to catch up on some things that maybe collectively, we should have taught earlier. So, put the phones/pads/computers/watches or any other means of staying connected away for a while. Quit letting them raise your children and become an active participant in their future.

Teach them how to change the oil in their car, the mower or other equipment that needs servicing. Teach them how to wash clothes, darn socks, repair things that are broke but still usable. Show them how to change a flat tire and then have them show you how to do it. Teach them how to sharpen a knife and how to use it as a tool.

Instill a love for books by reading to them when they are young. Pick books that stimulate a young mind. Let their imaginations run wild and free. Later have them read out loud to you. It promotes an environment where their confidence grows.

Teach them empathy. That ability will be very important as they travel through life. They will not only be able to understand but also will be able to share those feelings others have. Have them pick up the phone and call an elderly family member or neighbor just to check on them. Watch their face when they are finished. There will be an awakening that you will be able to see.

Let them cook dinner, with your supervision of course. Build a big blanket fort, get the flashlights and pack some sandwiches. Get in the fort and tell tales of your childhood. Build whatever you want to out of Legos or Play Doh. Don’t go by a plan, just build what the mind sees. Show them how to balance a checkbook, change a bed, wash windows and more. There is no end to the things you can teach while staying inside. I am forever frustrated when I hear someone say, “home economics should be brought back to school.” While I wholeheartedly agree, when I was growing up, these were things taught by my parents, not the school. My parents assigned chores and we learned how to do them or we would repeat until we did. We learned to sew, mend, can vegetables, garden, hunt and gather, clean house, wash clothes, iron, discipline and self-discipline, and the list is never ending. I guess you could shorten it by saying we were taught self sufficiency and how to be a good neighbor.

Take them fishing when things clear up. I don’t care if you have never been. Go once and you will discover that going fishing has nothing to do with fishing and everything to do with togetherness and making family memories.

I think the point is, take advantage of this time to be the kind of parent that teaches and leads their children. You have the future of this world in your hands. Treat it as the most important task you will ever undertake in this wonderful life. It is not too late to change our course.

Richard D. Rowland

©2020