Unspoken Message

How would you react if one day you awoke and life as you had previously known so well, had changed completely, despite your comfortableness with things just the way they are?

What if, upon addressing the day’s beginning, you found out that someone you had never met nor even thought about had moved into your house? That new entity is sitting at the dinner table in your place, camping out in your favorite chair and at night, sleeping in your bed. How would you act if EVERYTHING suddenly changed?

Well, that is what a cancer diagnosis does to you. It moves in and it changes everything that is you and you can’t evict it. It becomes your new normal. It becomes the rest of your life, even if cured. Your mind will always keep the memory fresh and at its forefront. Your normal is now fear based instead of love and fun focused. It is a normal where you exist from test to test, always hoping for improvement or a “cure,” but sadly accepting of its presence in your life. Your future is no longer sure, it is instead uncertain. You no longer plan of automatically making it until you are in your eighties. You worry about every little ache and pain that wouldn’t have bothered you a bit before. It used to be the pain that went with life, now it automatically laser points to cancer.

       How would you feel about the friends who walked away from you rather than experience your mortality up close and personal? And trust me, people will leave and distance themselves. I even know others who share this diagnosis with me whose spouses left them shortly after finding out hope and the future had been stolen. You will have friends that simply do not want to talk about your onus, so you talk about anything but the gorilla in the corner, while all the time, you continually glance at the corner and wonder why no one else sees or acknowledges it.

How do you discover a method to find your way back? Oh, most of us will recover mentally, but the process is long and drawn out. Most of us will become deeply spiritual but that will be balanced with days where you want to scream at the unfairness. And scream you will. I’ve no idea how many times I have screamed the words, “Fuck cancer!” and felt them reverberate into my soul as I sit, red faced angry and shaking.

To those newly diagnosed, you are now a member of this tribe of believers and peace will find you if you surround yourself with those who have found a way to navigate life after cancer. To those long time survivors, thank you from the very depths of my soul for cutting the path with or before me. Because of you, I am still here, healthy as I can be given the circumstances, and hardy. Not only that but I am in a place to help those newly diagnosed find the stolen hope.
And remember this, it is okay to scream at cancer and get angry. You can be spiritual and be pissed off at the same time.

Together we are stronger, together we will have a longer life, together we will make a difference, and together we will become someone for others to look up to. But we will only do these things together, reaching out to others in unison with an open hand and a been there attitude.
©2018 Richard D Rowland

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